Devistation

Today I found out that my divorce was final.

After over four years I am a free woman, but the price is too high.

When I originally filed for divorce back in '03 the person in charge of the divorce class informed all of us that the papers only stayed on file for 3 years. Procrastinator that I am this was both a good thing and a bad thing. It was too much time to force me into action, and not enough time for me not to be a dumbass. I have been seeing Andre since '04 so one would think that I would take care of it but I am a true procrastinator.

It means that tonight I am spending the night without my son. That I can only show him how much I love him 3 weekends a month. The pain in my chest whenever I think of it. Well, I have been galvanized! I must win this battle. I must have my son back with me before his father can do him more emotional harm. He won the first most important battle, but he had to cheat and misdirect the court to do it. Today when I found out the terrible news he asked me, "You didn't change your address with the court did you?" He knew that I hadn't, because I would have been in court on the appointed day if I had.

I was not there, I never received any notifications and as far as I knew my paperwork had expired. So, my last name has changed, I am sure Andre must be pleased about that. It hurts so much that I can't spend the day helping my son with his homework, or going to the park, or to Shawna's, or just seeing his beautiful freckle covered face. We have all this weekend, but then I have to give him up again. It is like a knife twisting around in my throat, not enough to kill me but it hurts like hell.

Tomorrow I am going the to courthouse first thing in the morning to get copies of all of their paperwork.